i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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