3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
