I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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