Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I just want nice things and good sex
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
