I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
