yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Randomize
