I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
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