When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
i need some magic done to my vagina
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
