New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
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