Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
