I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
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