I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
