The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
