Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
