WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
