problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
