I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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