Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
