so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Randomize
