He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
