Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
