I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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