I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
We left the knife in your bed.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
