the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Randomize
