6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
