you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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