3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
