have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
