Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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