I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
