Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
