im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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