i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
