maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
