were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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