Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
