i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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