I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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