My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
