I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Randomize
