so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
