I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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