YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
