The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
