I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
