physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
