I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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