I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
