now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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