Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
