five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
