Just fell off a train. Bad.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Randomize
