i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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